Hungarian Two-Tailed Dog Party holds space station dedication ceremony in Felcsút

August 19, 2017

“Did you know? Today’s enemies: Clinton loving, liberal, illuminati, gay, plaid-shirted teachers.”

A hundred people traveled to the Hungarian prime minister’s home town of Felcsút on Saturday to attend the dedication of the Bertalan Two-Tailed Space Station. The imaginary facility (presumably built with copious EU funds) was the latest act of political satire to be staged by Hungary’s Two-Tailed Dog Party (MKKP).

MKKP chairman Gergely Kovács told the Beacon that roughly 5 million people attended the historical event, give or take a few million.

According to the two-day event’s Facebook page, attendees were encouraged to show up disguised as zombies, extraterrestrials, robots, public workers, politicians, security guards, or Edda frontman Attila Pataky.

Responding to a lack of pens, one of the party’s pessimists announced that if MKKP wins the spring 2018 national election, in addition to free beer the government will distribute free pens.

Attendees were astonished to learn from Ferenc Sebő, Jr., chairman of MKKP Committee on Asthetics, that the spaceship ran on water.

MKKP party chairman Gergely Kovács was on hand to open the ceremony, explaining to the eager crowd that the launch of the Two-Tailed Bertalan Space Station was delayed on account of it being a state project.  He said the reason the dedication was taking place in Felcsút was because “it is possible to spend the most money in Felcsút, and we needed to spend the huge amount of money that existed for the space station.”  The chairman informed the attendees that altogether they planed to launch eight individuals representative of “Hungary’s more emblematic groups,” including two straw-men, two public workers, two gas-pipe fitters and two athletes.

The reason this was necessary according to the party chairman is that the Earth is going to perish.  He said the eight Hungarians would return to recolonize the Earth and with that “bring about the wonderful state, as it was in the beginning, that once again only Hungarians live on Earth.”  He then contradicted Sebő by stating that MKKP’s space budget was so low that they would not be able to bring the spacemen back.

The launch itself was scheduled for 2 pm on Sunday following the shrinking of the space travelers.

Following the dedication ceremony, attendees were treated to an exhibition soccer match involving three teams of Hungarians — one from inside the Earth, one from “the border” and one from space — in a game involving two balls. three goals and players sporting shorts with numbers that included -1, 666, 451 Fahrenheit, and even ∞.  At times the game resembled basketball and even rugby.

There was also a punk rock band with a drunk singer who kept shouting obscenities.  The high point of the concert was when the singer disappeared into the 20-strong crowd and a female member of the audience was invited onto the stage to perform a solo on a Jew’s harp.

The remarkable display of musical talent was followed by an equally remarkable discussion of space travel, space colonization and the possibility of space corruption on the part of a group of self-flat Earth theory proponents, chemtrail conspiracy theorists, and those claiming to be astronomers and charlatans.  Over the course of the fascinating discussion it was revealed that extraterrestrials travel to Felcsút to learn about corruption.  It was also revealed that MKKP plans to introduce soccer matches with four goals “at such time they discover the fourth dimension.”

MKKP party chairman Kovács also participated in the discussion, explicating his double flat earth theory. According to one of the participants, the Hungarian nation supplies the universe with the most advanced beings. “There is no better example of this than Viktor Orbán, the savior of the Hungarians, himself a creation of the Hungarians,” he exclaimed.

Kovács gave the following short interview to the Beacon following the roundtable discussion:

According to my knowledge, Soros nurtures a special relationship with the powers in the background.  Why is he not on such good terms with the powers in the foreground?

We are jolting the powers in the foreground with the help of those in the background.  We fill a mutual power role.  It’s important that thanks not appear as they are, and that there always be something complete different in the background.

On September 24th there will be general elections in Germany.  Is your party running candidates?

Yes, just as we ran candidates in the Austria and New Zealand elections. There’s a lot of campaign money in such places. We need this money in order to finance our (unintelligible) projects.

Excuse me, did you say “Icelandic” or “Israeli” projects?

Both. Islandic.

Are you also running candidates in the Arizona referendum on the legalization of marijuana?

Of course. Once we ran a medicinal marijuana candidate. We will definitely run him in the Arizona referendum.

There’s going to be a census in Portugal. Will you also be running there?

Of course. We also observe Portuguese laws here in Hungary. That’s why we take a siesta every day and are in the habit of being late.  And this is why everything costs so much here.